In quest of the christmas shindig

Okay now where do i start

^ my christmas shindig

The latter half of 2012 seems to hate me too much and so i never really looked forward to christmas cheering me up. I have been going through so much shit, or so i think i am, ewan, i think i'm beginning to forget how to actually live, tangina. I'm sort of tired of living but i sort of do not want to give up on it yet (no i'm not going suicidal here so shut up) and i hate staying here in limbo where neither happiness nor pain rapes the shit out of those in the limbo with me (hi!) so please take me away from this wretched plane fuck fuck fuck fuck

Okay heart guts or whoever you are your time is up now shoo

Okay

Now

I was expecting Christmas 2012 to not cooperate with me because i was not able to save up for it and i was not able to buy / craft gifts for those i care about (ang dami niyo swear) and so the spirit of giving did not have sex with me this year and that made me feel very shitty about not giving a crap and i also was not able to complete the novena but i told myself twelve months ago that i would but still i did not and i think i'm not that christ-high anymore and i also think that i've only been going to church for the sake of routine and that sucks and everything sucks and everything in between sucks though i am not sure what happened to those sucky fellows in between

Also i still feel shit about myself because this year i lost something i fucking wanted for eight (or nine?) fucking years and i almost got hold of it but yeah i still fucking lost it because i didn't wanta hold on to it harder because i'm so very fucking scared of killing it in my grasp (i hold on to things and i hurt things) so goodbye little birdyi hope you crash into a plane and die

Wow three paragraphs already? I did not see that coming i swear

So yeah in the end Christmas 2012 did not cooperate with me and that's okay since i'm not expecting anything from it anyway

I was on the hunt for that notorious christmas butterflies-in-the-stomach jazz (i swear i had them last year) so i decided i'd leave the house because i think some dude's presence has been keeping the festivity part of christmas away from anything within a mile radius from him. Sometimes i assume him to be a nazi so that i'd understand why he's acting that way but sometimes i can't because the rest of the family's not jewish and he looks nothing like hitler

I found my brother leeching off my aunt's wi-fi (connection's bad at home kasi jill's been hogging lé bandwidth). Also, i found out how psy ended up with a million views. Nice one, fanboy.

One of my aunts offered me carbonara and who was i to reject that offer eh? Carbonara's one of the food items officially banned from our house kasi "it uses white sauce and white sauce is fatty and you'll die if you have too much of it" (mama, nonverbatim). SEIZE THE MOMENT AND UNF

I also had some super moist chocolate cake whose recipe i wanted to ask for badly, however, the thing was something an aunt's colleague has given her kaya nope jean sorry no super moist chocolate cake recipe for you this time

All this while watching spider-man 3-- the one with kirsten dunst in it-- with my 10-year-old cousin who happened to be a one direction semi-aficionado. She narrated to me how taylor swift got that niall dude to cry just by calling him a pig (???) ewan i can't remember na basta

Tapos i was also able to make peace with her shitzu albus, who, from our previous encounters, was almost willing to bite my face off

Look. Annica painted its nails with glitter

Then came the time that i had to go home kasi i still had to prepare for this christmas mass where i got to see the person i was talking about earlier-- that one little birdy i wish would crash into a plane. I saw him and i think he saw me and when i was returning from communion (sorry for desecrating the body of your god though) there was no other way to get back to where i was staying pre-communion 'cept passing in front of him and so i psyched up my guts and passed in front of him and i was kind of glad that lighting was poor but then i think he still saw me but i hope he did not because i'd feel shit again if he'd think i'm making a super great deal out of it

Because i was actually making a super great deal out of it and i hate myself for doing so because i'm not supposed to

Shut up heart guts you're giving yourself away

Yuck ang bakla ng tawag ko heart guts

Shit i took of what i thought would be the most christmas-y thing that'll ever happen to me this christmas

When i got home, people were asleep already. Except for jill. She had lots of online massacre-ing to do with her online rpg persona so yeah no sleep for her

I wasn't about to give up yet so i gave that christmas shindig another chance to go on a date with me tonight and fired up the tv screen and gave it's a wonderful life a go because i heard that it's a movie you watch in christmas and the only thing christmas-y about it was the presence of snow, i think. I fell asleep halfway NOT because it sucked but because i was TIRED and i swear it didn't suck and the actors were doing quite well and they're all acting naturally and i think cinema's dying today

I guess i'd just see the other half of it next year

By christmas morn i was already losing hope and so i decided to let things fall apart. Fuck everything this year i'll be the grinch

Kaso tae

Three sets of relatives (by set i mean household) came over and there were children everywhere (okay not everywhere but i think five's a handful)! I'm one to hate children but i realized that the only children i'm not into petting are those that still can't walk and still cries a lot because let's face it-- they're fucking annoying and you wouldn't really ever know what to do with them

And so i discovered my new love for childrin

And i was only referring to those who can speak and think and sing and dance and eat and ask for some more food because they think they wanted some more food (and not because their mums wanted them to eat more)

Here's a photo of my goddaughter pledged to me even if i still have not found a source of income

"Sana'y 'di maging katulad mo, tulad mo na may pusong bato"

And here are more photos of what happened that morning-- most of which were taken by my bibong inaanak (pusong bato girl) Kim! Because no, she wouldn't let go of the camera and she wouldn't stop until she has taken a picture of everything in her horizon (i.e. ac unit, tiled floor, staircase)